I am always amazed by the way my parents, who are now married for more than 30 years, recover after fighting and fighting passionately with each other. Although the weight of the topics on which they fight differs, their ways of mending and reconciling do not change. Rather than letting the fight defeat them, they break the cycle. My mom often gets defensive and feels accused, but my dad is patient and tolerant, he prefers talking things out and says sorry even before he starts explaining. This gesture brings my mom's soaring temper down and she comes to a better frame of mind to have a sustainable conversation. I wish I can use my dads techniques in my personal life too, but I usually tend to over-react in fights.
Most common problems between couples is one partner almost always never apologizes. This makes the other partner have to apologize too much.. enough to hurt his/her ego. Another problem is one partner is over judgmental of the others actions. Ideally for a relation to work sometimes its okay to ignore even the most unreasonable actions of your partner.
Lastly, partners who err too often expect some kind of special treatment or some concession for their bad behavior but if they rarely get one, this might just trigger even worse behavior.
Fights between couples are called healthy for a reason - they tend to clear the air for the partners and the hurt partner can now voice his feelings that he was suffering in silence. Often when a fight goes out of hand and everything becomes messy, partners might feel that the relationship can't be saved but it almost always can be saved. Things always get better. Surviving fights is the test of a healthy and fulfilling relationship and key lies in having a frank, honest and open conversation.
5 years ago
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